Sunday, April 5, 2009


(This is what I was listening to when I wrote this. Great idea Ang, since I am always listening to someting!)

I am in pain today. I have a throat infection. It hurts so bad to swallow. What started out as a small sore in my throat has slowly crept across my whole throat. It hurts. I even got tested for strep today which came back negative. So, I have been gargling salt water, drinking tea, poppin' advil, and swallowing through the pain. I wanted to write something today about my cute little 3 year old admiring the "daniel lions" in our front yard, but the truth is that I cannot stop thinking about my pain. I know it is mind blowing to imagine me, someone who has insanely been staying up until all hours to get things done to get sick. But I am human. Living in a human body, with human consequences.

I think sometime we feel invincible, especially when things are going good. But sometimes we can crumble so quickly when something painful or unexpected arises. We can become fixated on the pain and it can consume us. I think it is amazing to hear from people who are grown, successful adults, who are STILL holding on to childhood hurts. Clutching the pain fiercely but wanted to be rid of it so badly.

I think we are all dandelions at some point in time. Masking the weeds inside us with a false beauty, trying to blend in with the other flowers out there, but its all a facade. That bright and cheery yellow is sometimes masking deep wounds, sadness and pain.

Isn't funny when we look for every remedy, every validating philosophy, ever "cure" for our own pain instead of just looking to the ultimate pain manager, the ultimate pain alleviator for help? I do it all the time, which is why I am writing this. Because I need to hear it. I need to remember where real relief comes from. The relief is not always immediate, and it can be a process. But in the end its worth it. The real cure.